I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize