enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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