Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
