My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
