Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
