i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
