Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
