Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
