someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
