he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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