I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
