did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
