We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
