why didn't you poke me back
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
