If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
