ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
