ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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