you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
