every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
