So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize