you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
