Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
