oh god the rape fog is back!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
