just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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