PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
