Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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