im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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