Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
