i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
