i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
be right there i have to get my cape
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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