I just saw a hot homeless man
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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