It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
