Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
