thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
