He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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