Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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