Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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