They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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