it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
