i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
