I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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