im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
