I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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