OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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