i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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