I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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