He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
