im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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