I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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