I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
