The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
