Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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