so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
