So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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