moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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