You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
