The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
