i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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