Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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