i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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