ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
