I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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