# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
