I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm bleeding and have questions
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
