Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
