I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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